Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
