Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
