Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
