your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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