My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
