Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
