You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
