I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
