how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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