My room smells like vodka and shame
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
