SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
