i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
