Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
