i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
