At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
