So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
