So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
