just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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