So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
