I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
