yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
