either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
