I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
