She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize