and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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