I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize