I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
