So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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