i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
