Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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