I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
