Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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