after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
