I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
