yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
