Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
