She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
