if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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