She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
