I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
