That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
