no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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