My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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