If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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