just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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