I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
