I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
