I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
