pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
