Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I supernannyed him into submission
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
