I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
