My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
