i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
