if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
