Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
