he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
