would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up under a house in Key West
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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