I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Congratulations! We have a period
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
