I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
