YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
