I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
