New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize