How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
