i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
