took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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