pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
