i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
