you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
