i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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