He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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