Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize