I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
