you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
