Define "chronic" masturbator.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
third nipple confirmed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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