I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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