Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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