brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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