i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
