Got a toothbrush?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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