i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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